I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
