It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
