the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
