Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
