I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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