If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
