can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I love you. Go after that dick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
