I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
