I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
