Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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