he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am available for nakedness
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
