Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
