They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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