the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
