And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
