It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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