She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
be right there i have to get my cape
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
