Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
