need another drink. this is the easiest way
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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