I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
