Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
