ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
