So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
