It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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