I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
