I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
