My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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