the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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