There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
