I think my vagina is haunted
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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