He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
