Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish you could order shots online.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
