brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
