you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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