I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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