RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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