I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't deserve a penis
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
