I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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