I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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