That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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