i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
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At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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