im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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