I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
