I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Found your dick twin last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
