Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So apparently I’m into choking now
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