My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
