i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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