i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we're so committed to being not committed
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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