You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
