i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
