it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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