God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
