He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize