Where is the hickey?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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