I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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