if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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