she woke up with a sticky ear
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
