Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
