it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
