just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize