boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
