So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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