I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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