I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Couch. On fire.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
