Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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