my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
