yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
