Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
