Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
