nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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