im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
