Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
