My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
