people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
