You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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