He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
