I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
