Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
