There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
